I sat down to a blank piece of paper as I do every morning. I had no ideas. I sipped my coffee and tried to clear my mind. This writing stuff, for me, comes out of a clear mind. I don't try to think of something so much as open my mind and let it come. So...anyway, I was sitting there with my blank page. This is the most difficult part because the blank page can develop a mind of it's own. After a while it starts mocking me. I have to get something down before that starts. I started typing.
Doctor Hockenfeld examined the chest X-ray on the light box and rubbed his chin.
“What is it Doc,” asked the concerned patient. “What do you see?”
The doctor removed the X-ray and replaced it with another view. “Hmmm...” said the doctor.
Someone began knocking on my door. I stopped writing. Mrs. Cutler was at the door holding a single piece of paper. “Yes, Mrs. Cutler. What can I do for you?” She was in a huff. She was always in a huff about something. “What can you tell me about this?” she handed me the paper. “It says I have to list all of my pets, and turn it in to the office.” I had seen the form. Everyone in the building received the form. It was a precaution taken so the fire department would know which apartments had pets in case of a fire. “I don't have a pet, so why do I have to fill out this form?” she complained. I handed the form back to her. “Look Mrs. Cutler, I'm trying to work. Fill out the form, or don't.” I shut the door. I could hear Mrs. Cutler mumbling as she left. Something about people being rude and stupid forms to fill out. I sat back down at the box. Where was I?
“I've never seen this before Mr. Needleman. It appears that you have a rare form of lung spiders. There are webs all over the inside of your lungs. See this dark spot?” The Doctor indicated the spot with his finger. “This appears to be an egg sack.” Mr. Needleman looked very worried. “Lung spiders?” he shook his head slowly. “I've never heard of lung spiders.”
There was another knock at my door. It was unusual to have so much traffic at my door. Normally, my neighbors left me alone and I left them alone. I opened the door. Two young men wearing dark suits and carrying a stack of religious magazines. “We are from the brotherhood of Yahweh. We are spreading his good word.” The first young man handed me a printed pamphlet. “Will you be included in the rapture?” was the heading on the cover. I reached out and took the stack of pamphlets from the second young man and dropped kicked the stack, sending the word of God skittering down the hall. I slammed the door.
“You worked for the Peace Corp didn't you Mr. Needleman? Needleman nodded.
“Africa, wasn't it?”
“Yes.” said Needleman, west Africa”.
“I see,” said the doctor, “Visit any caves?”
Needleman thought for a moment. “Yes. I took shelter during a rainstorm in a cave. I was there for about two hours waiting for the rain to let up.”
Doctor Hockenfeld rubbed his chin and reached for a medical book- thumbed through the pages.
“Ah. Here we have it.” He turned the book so that Needleman could see the illustration. “The lung spider is native to that part of Africa. It's rare that they infest humans, but you were in the wrong place at the right time.” Needleman looked in horror at the enlarged photo of the lung spider. He became terrified. “Oh my God. How many of those do I have living in me?” His hands were shaking as he mopped his sweaty brow with his shirt sleeve.
Once again someone was knocking. I tried to ignore it. The banging came again only now whoever it was, was really pounding. “Open up. It's the police.” I walked to my door and opened it. A police officer was standing there with the two Jesus freaks with the pamphlets again.
“What seems to be the problem officer?” “These gentlemen claim you assaulted them.” I looked at the two freaks. They were smiling, almost smirking. “I've been working all morning. I've never seen these two assholes before in my life.” I said. “Look at my pamphlets,” said the first freak. “They're ruined.”
“The paper was ruined the moment you printed them with your superstitious bullshit. Now will you people please let me work?” I slammed the door and listened to them complaining to the officer. Their voices became faint as they moved down the hall. “Dodged a bullet.” I thought. I walked back to my machine. Where was I?
Doctor Hokenfeld read from the medical book. “It says that the spiders emit a sweet smell that attracts insects.” It was then that Needleman began swatting at a large green shit fly that seemed to come out of nowhere. The fly landed on Needleman's lip and before he could swat at it, a spider dashed from Needleman's right nostril and snagged the fly and bit down. The paralyzed fly was instantly dragged back inside the nose cave. “My god,” yelled Needleman. “Help me doctor.” The room was beginning to swarm with flies. They buzzed angrily about Needleman's head. His eyes were wide with horror. “My god, where did they come from?” said the doctor. “This is quite interesting. Very interesting indeed.” Needleman began slapping at the flies as they landed on his face. Broken bits of fly and blood smeared his face. Dr. Hokenfeld grabbed Needleman's hands and held them tight as spider dashed from Needleman's nose and began devouring flies. The spiders left empty fly carcasses where healthy flies had once bin. Their appetites were enormous. Needleman opened his mouth and tried to scream but he only choked and gurgled. Then, out of his throat came teaming masses of black spiders. They gushed forth in a horrific stream like hairy black oily river of death. Needleman's face became black with the teaming insect madness. As he slid to the floor, more and more flies filled the room. They were coming under the doors and through a hole in the window screen. They even came from the heating vents. Dr. Hokenfeld ran from his examining room and shut the door behind him. He could hear the terrible buzzing inside the office even through the closed door. “Poor Mr. Needleman,” thought the doctor as he checked his watch. “A very interesting case. Perhaps I will write a paper on the lung spider” Then he checked his watch. “Ah,” said the doctor, “ It's five o'clock. Time to go home.” Dr. Hokenfeld locked his office and walked to his car. He started the engine and turned on the air conditioner and put the car in reverse. As he backed out of his parking space a green fly began zipping angrily about the car. The doctor rolled his window down and watched the fly zoom away.
Then he drove slowly home.