I was in ninth grade at Robert E. Peary high school and I was in the lunch room showing off my welts for the ass kicking my father gave me the night before for something I didn't do. That led to one story after another and with every story someone had a scare to go with it. Then my friend Bob Pearce shows up and he says he's got a car if I want to go to the burger joint instead of eating school drool. It had been snowing for about the last hour and there was about two inches on the ground when we went outside.
All together is was me, Bob, Chris Shaffer, and Donny Pearce. “Where did you get a car?,” someone said. “We're gonna take Phil Gazell's car. He's in a double period. He won't be out for two hours, so I'm gonna hot wire his car.” Bob held up a piece of wire with alligator clips on each end, and a pair of pliers. We found Phil's car and it was locked. Sense it was parked right in front of the school, we didn't want to mess with it. We each split up and tried various cars and quickly found one that was unlocked.
We all piled in with Bob taking the drivers seat and immediately ducking below the dash to do his work. “This one can't be done,” he said. “It's got a sealed switch.” Bob was up and out of the car in a flash in another unlocked car before we realized what was happening. We all jumped out of the car to join Bob, but Bob was already entering his third car. “Got it,” he said. “I can do this one.” We all climbed in and Bob had the car running. He turned on the wipers and they struggled to wipe away the heavy snow, then he put it in reverse to back out. “Somebody clean off the back window.” He said.
Donny and I both jumped out at the same time to wipe off the snow when we saw Dr. Dunn, his coat tails flailing in the breeze as the ran across the front lawn of the school in our direction. He was carrying a clipboard. Donny and I jumped back in. “We're busted. Dunn's hauling ass this way.”
“Let's get the fuck out of here,” someone said. All door opened at once. “No.” said Bob. “Shut the doors.” We did as we were told. “We're just sitting in a friends car getting out of the snow.”
“But who's car is it?” “Mike Sword. He won't give a shit.” “Are you kidding, he hates my gusts. He'll kick my ass.” Then Dr. Dunn was rapping on Bob's window. He rolled it down. Dr. Dunn had snow in his hair and on his shoulders. “I want you boys in my office right now.” He knelt down and wrote down who was in the car. He didn't need to ask who we were. No one was admitting guilt. We would proclaim our innocents until the die was cast, but we would never make it easy. Except Chris Shaffer.
Chris didn't have a dishonest bone in his body. When everyone else had the natural instinct to run or lie when a police car turned the corner, Chris was always left standing. “Running makes you look guilty. I'll just act like I was walking by minding my own business.” But we were guilty and if we got away things were peachy. So on more than one occasion, Chris pleaded guilty while everyone else pleaded innocent. Chris always got off by being truthful and acting naive. He looked like the sweet guy who got into the wrong crowd. They always knew who the real guilty parties were, but like I said before, we weren't going to make it easy.
Dr. Dunn had been watching us from his office window as we approached several cars. When we moved from car to car he grabbed his clipboard and started running. There was glee in his eyes at the thought of catching us in the act. It meant we would be expelled for stealing a car. The only problem was Dr. Dunn couldn’t be sure which cars we had been in. He wrote down three car tag numbers, including the one we were in when we were caught, and called the owners to inspect their cars for damages or things missing. All reports came back in our favor. They even said we had permission to be in the cars. That is everyone except Mike Sword. I was worried more about what he would do that what Dr. Dunn would do. Mike let us off but I knew it was over. He gave me a look that let me know as much. Still, Dr. Dunn suspended all of us for three days. We were given a letter to take home and return signed by our parents. The school also sent a duplicate letter by mail to make sure the parents got the letter. I rushed home after school and intercepted the phone call from Dr. Dunn. My voice was so high I didn't have the confidence to imitate my father so I pretended I was my mother. I could tell Dr. Dunn was on to me, but there was enough uncertainty that he didn't say anything. The next morning I had to leave for the bus, circle around the block, wait until my mother went to work, then,sneak back into the house and wait for the mail. Once I had the other letter, I was home free. My parents would never know I was suspended, and I would not get my ass kicked again. All in all, a good deal for me.
The mail wouldn't arrive until four pm. Meantime I was home alone with nothing to do. Then I saw the Trash truck coming up the block. This gave me an idea. My mother was teaching fourth grade at the elementary school across the street from our house. He class room was almost directly across the street facing our garage. I ran to the garage and opened the door. My mother's Lincoln Continental was parked in the garage and the keys were in the ignition. As the trash truck parked between my house and my mother's class room, I backed out the car and pulled along side the big truck. I closed the door with the remote and when the truck moved down the street, I shadowed it until I was out of danger. I drove to Bob's house.
Having been suspended for stealing cars, I was now stealing my mothers car and picking up all of my partners in crime from the day before and going on a joy-ride.
I was fifteen years old at the time and small for my age. I looked more like thirteen.
I could barley see over the steering wheel. I picked up the guys and we headed for DC.
I remember the looks I got when we went into a gas station for gas. I'm still surprised that no one reported us, But, we didn't wreck the car or kill anyone, which is a plus, and we made it home safely. More importantly, I didn't get caught for stealing my mothers car. The letter from school was in the mailbox when we got home. I also intersepted the phone call from the school principal. I faked my mothers voice because my voice was too high to do my father's. I was home free.
The very next week, we repeated the same adventure. This time I got caught and my Dad kicked my ass. But who wants to hear about that?